The Quiet Crushing of Graduation

Every year, millions of American families send their children off to their freshman year of college. Their pictures dot our social media feeds. Images of excited students holding collegiate pennants, maybe wearing a hat or holding up their school’s hand sign with beaming smiles. Their parents post excited words about futures and hopes and dreams.

One chapter closing.
Another opening.
A new beginning.

So why am I struggling so much? Why does this feel more like a loss than a gain? Why are my tears always on edge, threatening to spill over each time I think about August and what it will bring?

We talked to our son the other night about his choices, his heart and where the Lord may be leading him. The school he’s drawn to isn’t the one we’ve always dreamed of for him. It isn’t the one he grew up cheering for. Their letters aren’t the ones he’s been wearing since he was an infant. It’s not the campus I’ve always envisioned him walking.

The school he’s drawn to isn’t close.
It’s unfamiliar.
It’s large.
It’s a state school.
He knows no one.

And although he’s excited about a fresh start, it feels like a little death to me. Am I the only one who feels this way? Why isn’t anyone else talking about this, how this joy for him feels so much like grief for me?

I know this is the right next step. I know he’ll thrive wherever he ends up. He’s thought through this decision carefully. He’s weighed all his options. He’s prayed through the pros and the cons. We’ve advised him through this whole process, and we will support him throughout the next four years, wherever that may be.

But it doesn’t make this easy.

He’s our first, so maybe it gets less painful with the second and third child. Maybe the burden lifts a bit with each subsequent launch. I’m not sure. But I do know this. If you’re a senior mom and you’re struggling with what comes next—college drop off, an empty seat at your table, a vacant bedroom, a university future for your child that may not look like the one you’ve always dreamt of—I want you to know you’re not alone. And if you’re not a senior mom, but you know one. Check in on her. Take her to coffee. Ask her how she’s doing and then just listen. Really listen. Because she may be excited. She may be ready for the next chapter and where it’s taking her child. Or, there’s also a chance that behind her smile and her poised facade, she’s feeling the ache of a heavy crushing. And if she is, she needs to know she’s not alone.

Because behind all those pictures of smiling high school graduates popping up in our feeds right now, there are thousands of moms whose hearts are quietly breaking just a bit.

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