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  1. Let’s all be brave….. “My prayer for you today is that you will open the eyes of your heart to the map and the next brave thing and the step you need to start.” Oh, you have no idea!!! I’m pouring my heart out here because I have held it in for so long… I need to talk to my family. I left my parents and siblings not on good terms and married a young man that they hardly knew. Seven months before I left and almost married him; ended up returning home and was so confused about what I wish I would have done. Or what I wish I hadn’t done. I wished that life could be more like it was before all this. I didn’t talk to anyone, I shut everyone out and tortured myself with all these thoughts and didn’t know where to turn. I went back to this young man and we married a few weeks later. My family had been in this state for two years and wanted to move back where they had been before. Everyone missed it there and Dad moved as soon as he got work again. I took the opportunity as a good time to leave them. They were not able to come to the wedding. One thing that has been in my heart is that they would have come had we waited a bit longer. And I w.a.n.t.e.d. them at the wedding!! But my father did not approve and would not have walked me down the aisle. I felt in my heart I could not have him there and not walk me down the aisle. I still would have gotten married, but I never would have been able to deal with that utter disappointment. Are those the right words? At least they are close. We had the wedding when they couldn’t come and I think I had it in my head that maybe, maybe if we had waited, he may have walked me down the aisle. My heart needed that hope. That maybe. Because the no was too hard to think about. To have to live with forever. To have disappointed my father with my fiancée that I would not be given to him? I was not a girl that thought about my wedding when I was young. But that was the one thing that would happen, that my Daddy would give me away. We are two days shy of one year of marriage now . I rarely speak with my family. My siblings a little, my parents hardly, if at all. They want to talk and I am petrified to. I am scared of all the talk and hurt coming out into the open and facing my sin. I am scared that I will somehow make the situation even worse than it is now. I. Am. Scared. Do I trust God? I know that He wants me to do this and I am not growing spiritually in these areas because I have put off these important conversations. But I can’t get out of myself. I have decided to go to hair school for one year and I need to ask my mother to send my diploma to me. Will I text her? Will I call her and make it short? Or will I talk at all about important issues? I am almost 22 years old but I’m a child in this area. I would despise my mother when she would tell me an area where I was immature. I would give anything to live one of those days again.

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